Mummy's Moment

Well I've been offered a job and have accepted. I've always wanted to be a full time mum and be the one to bring up my children. However this seemed like fate, I never applied for the job, a friend asked if I was looking I said why not, they had me in for an interview and offered the job a week later. Luckily Ellyna will be at the nursery with me not in the same room but just on the other side of the corridor, I don't think I could have done it any other way.

I'm very nervous to go back to the working world, it has been my little piece of heaven at home with my beautiful baby watching her grow and change, but secretly its been so hard too. With all our money going on bills and other boring things I haven't had the cash to go out to lots of places with Ellyna, and after trying to get her into a routine, with nap times and sleeping in her own cot the days do become very monotonous. We get up at 8am wave daddy off, breakfast, cuddles and some play till 9.30 then nap time till 12pm then lunch, play more cuddles and nap time from 4-6pm then daddy home all have tea and bed time at 9. That's it, that's my day . Now don't get me wrong I love it I love Ellyna and I love our time together, but I need some interaction with other people. Ellyna needs to get out and see other people we need to get out and have some time away from each other. So even though it goes against every maternal bone in my body I've taken the job, I'm taking the plunge and becoming a working mum (well until the next one comes along). Fingers crossed Ellyna enjoys nursery and I enjoy the job, but don't worry I'll be a full time mum again if I think its not the best for Ellyna, because at the end of the day she is what matters, so long as she is happy our family will be a happy one :D

Now I've got a week to get my working confidence back, its so easy when its your own baby hehe.

These have been the quickest months yet :) Ellyna has grown so much and is changing everyday. We have been working on a routine for the past two months, for me its one of the most important things for children and now after two months of trying Ellyna sleeps in her own cot has two naps a day. She's very content and happy to play with me and on her own and I feel so proud every time I look at her. I think my happiest moment of the last two months was watching her turn over, she was playing on her mat and all of a sudden she just rolled over! My partner missed out and he was so upset, it wasn't for another couple of days until she did it again and now she can't stop herself from rolling about and we can't wait for the crawling, but for now we just enjoy watching her rolling all around :D

The first month consisted of breastfeeding, breastfeeding and more breastfeeding. Sleep was scarce and we argued like you have never seen in your life. But we were happy in between all that. In the first month you can never spoil your baby, so cuddle them as if you life depended on it and just enjoy having a baby. Forget about the outside world if they want to see your bundle of joy, let them come visit and get them to bring the food and drink! I was never more happy than when my mother in law came round to cook, she made the most delicious pie, got the baby to sleep then left us to eat, it really was a lovely moment :)

The second month, by this time we were doing quite well, Ellyna would take 3 hours naps and sleep around 4-5 hours at night. We kept her in the bed next to us and boy was she a noisy sleeper! Still we shared lots of cuddles and even the bed when we were really tired. We had the first jab which was horrid she cried for 5 hours straight after, major shock to the system! But she survived. We had a little bit of colic and infacol was our saviour, as well as gripe water. They really did help when she had tummy ache. Don't be afraid to try them, you know your baby and you know when they are in pain, trust your instincts not what a midwife or health visitor says after a 5 minute visit!

By the third month we were doing well, we had a routine, Ellyna was sleeping well and for two nights she had been in her own room. Then along came the dreaded 3 month growth spurt!!! I will never forget the week from hell for as long as I live. No body warned us about this so it came totally out of the blue. Yet once we spoke to people they all said oh yeah we had that!!!!! Well why does no body talk about it.

Ellyna began to sleep longer for the first few days, she would have a big feed then sleep for hours. I was so happy to be getting jobs done around the house at last. Then one night we carried out our routine as we always did, bath, big feed, bed. But no, not this night she would night lie down, if we left her she would scream blue murder if she wasn't sat up, she would scream and scream. This went on until 5 am when she finally fell asleep after 8 long hours. Suddenly you couldn't pat her back to burp her, and she stopped sleeping for longer than 40 minutes at a time. This went on for a week, we didn't sleep for what seemed like an eternity and by the end of it, all the good habits we had started had gone. So the sleepless nights continued, until we realised she was playing us, she new at a whimper we would come running, as we had done for the past week and a half. So one night I did what I had said I would never do, I let her cry, and boy did she cry, for a whole hour, then suddenly silence and she fell asleep till the morning. Wow that was one of the best four hours sleep I've ever had! Since that night I haven't left her to cry again, but now at 6 months she sleeps in her own cot and for a good 12 hours! Which for me is all down to routine and making sure she is content.

I have worked in childcare for 5 years now, and after seeing the problems dummies have caused from poorly developed teeth and speech, to the mega tantrums I always believed dummies were a no go...Fast forward to day 3 of having Ellyna home, I felt like I hadn't slept for 3 years let alone 3 days and all Ellyna wanted was to suck, suck me dry it felt like, my partner was at the end of his tether too. Then as if a light bulb had switched on a remembered a dummy we had got in a pack of new born bottles. We thought this would be our saviour and sterilised it without even thinking before we knew it the dummy was in Ellyna's mouth! Now when I think back I don't feel guilty or like I've let myself down. WE had tried without, now it was time with!

At the time I would have said unfortunately, now I say fortunately.

Fortunately Ellyna didn't take to the dummy. The only way we could keep it in was by holding it in, one time I did this for three hours just to get some peace and time away from breast feeding. But still she just would not take to it, maybe we had the wrong dummies or maybe she had been listening for those long 9 months and knew it was never really meant to be. Now I feel alot less righteous about dummies and if they work for you go ahead use them, take the peace and quiet while you can and if anyone says anything ignore them your the one who has to live with the little darling. But remember by 1 they don't really need it, so chuck it away around this time it'll save alot less hassle in the future :)

Here's some links to help you decide where you fall with the dummy debate -

Luckily my family all supported me when it came to breastfeeding and never made me feel uncomfortable about it. With Ellyna it felt natural and I was one of the very lucky ones who had no problems with it. However because of this I started to create problems for myself, thinking she wasn't getting enough milk and wasn't satisfied. In reality she was, she was growing well and was a very content baby, but I started adding a bottle in before bed, then for tea and now she is mainly bottle fed. I still manage at least one breast feed a day, which we both love she gets comfort and I get 5 minutes to relax with my beautiful baby girl.

For me breast feeding is a must, its sooooo much easier than bottles, quick, convenient, great for baby inside and out, and for me it always gave me this really relaxed sensation like that first drink after a long, hard day or a much needed bubble bath. It makes me sad to see people give up because of their own hang ups, having a baby has always meant for me giving up my life for my children. I know I'll get it back in a few years but for now saggy boobs, stretch marks, big bum, I'll take it all for a happy content child. So if your unsure give it a go, if you get a well fitted bra while pregnant your boobs will be fine! But to be honest that's what having a baby does, it changes your body for better or worst sometimes!

My must for breast feeding, one of those pillows that wrap round you, some lansinoh cream - this is great when you first start out and if you have any problems as time goes on. Snacks and a drink of water, its crazy you get so thirsty when you breastfeed, so make sure you have a bottle of water handy or someone who can get you one!

Most of all relax its easy to say but as soon as you relax the baby will too :) I'll never forget those first few days of breastfeeding feeling like it was wrong all the time, if you feel like this don't be afraid to ask someone to help just get them to watch and give you hand if you need it. Its easy to sit here thinking of lots of tips but the best tip I can give is practice, that's all the first few days are, and with practice you'll get it. If you feel its just not for you then don;t worry you'll have just as much fun bottle feeding, well apart from preparing the bottles but just get someone else to do that!!!

No labour is ever the same I found this out after hearing and reading about so many. I trawled the internet looking at "signs of labour" and "how to tell the baby is coming" and everyone had lots of advice. But looking back there were no signs Ellyna was coming, I just woke one Saturday morning and she decided she was on her way.

By mid day my contractions were 20 mins apart, I had a false start a week before and thought it was this again, so I carried on cleaning the house thinking it would soon stop (big regret should have slept while I could). By 5pm my contractions were 10 mins apart, I remember having tea sat with my family and having to take a breather every 10 mins, it wasn't so much painful just took my breath away.

By 8.30pm we were on our way to the hospital, my contractions were 5 mins apart, and I thought quite painful (how naive hehe) We got to the hospital me, my partner and mother in law ready for action and it all stopped, after all that time she stopped!! I couldn't believe it, and felt like a liar, so home we all went and off to bed. As soon as my head hit that pillow the pain kicked in!! I tried to ignore it, thinking once again she was teasing me making me look the fool!

By 12.30 I'd had enough and needed that gas and air right now, so back to the hospital we went, with me grunting and my OH complaining about food, we had lots of snacks but he just couldn't decide when to eat them!!!! I lasted another 2 hours without anything, but with the contractions 2 mins apart I'd had enough and they brought the wonder that is gas and air. Now I can not stress how good it was for me, some people complain about sickness and it not helping but for me I felt like a horny little teenager, for 20 minutes all that pain had gone and I was happy nothing else mattered in the world, the contractions were a dull nudge and I was flying high.

That's it 20 minutes! That's all it gave me, I came crashing to earth when I forgot to breath it in and got a full contraction with nothing, WOW it all becomes blurry at this point but the few things I remember are the hatred I felt towards the midwife who kept turning me over, I've never felt hate like it. The feel of my waters breaking yuk! The tiredness, I became so tried I was sleeping in-between contractions just to get some strength back. The feeling of giving birth to Ellyna and the placenta, wet fish is all I can say!

Once she arrived all the pain stopped completely and I remember these long arms and legs coming towards me, then that beautiful face. I had never felt so many emotions in my life but most of all I felt proud, proud of us creating this beautiful baby and proud of Ellyna for just being, proud to be holding her close to me and proud to say I was her mummy.